So sadly this is my last post for the class, but I hope to continue to write and blog about my views of the family system and unit. After our discussions this last week and Monday I think that after parents become empty nesters, they experience more satisfaction in life. We started of talking about divorce, and the trends associated with people divorcing. Some of those are: custody, cohabiting couples, women are often the ones seeking the divorce, finances, "falling out" of love, communication and perception, and lastly decision making. People don't realize that divorce isn't something that just happens and that people just move on. There are six stations of divorce:
1) emotional 2) legal 3) economic/money 4) co-parental/custody 5) community/division of friends and family and 6) psychic/the mental process of divorce.
Oe outstanding statistic that I was totally surprised at was that 70% of the people that divorce, believe that could have and should have saved their marriage 2 years after the divorce. Don't "Fall in love" but choose to love and give your heart and self to your partner, because it creates a deep passion.  Just remember that you need to go through the lulls and hard times so you can reach the height in the end and enjoy the climax more. One last thing on a more positive note, about your marriage after your children leave home, the love story never ends.
I hope you've enjoyed my blog and opinions, the family is the most important system in our community and it's the one system that is being challenged and torn apart in our society. We must protect it in every way we can. The family is the foundation of our society so don't let it crack and crumble underneath you.

This last week we discussed a lot about parenting. I really enjoyed the lessons and discussions we had because they will be so helpful in the future. But I think that if we approach our children with respect and love instead of anger and frustration when they do something we don't like or that are annoying us that the outcome and effects will be more positive. One thing that I already knew but didn't understand fully was the level of respect that not only our kids should have for us but that we should have for our kids. We want to teach them how to be successful and how to be able to grow up and live in our society by example. Not by someone else telling them how to. They should learn from their parents, and want to learn from them. That's the main role of becoming a parent, to teach them. So, why do so many take it so lightly. In our world today parents are relying more and more on the educational system to teach their children about finances, real life, sex education, and so many other things in life. We as the upcoming generation to parent should take that responsibility for ourselves to nurture and cherish that time we have with our own to show them right from wrong. Parenting is a privilege a blessing and it shouldn't be taken lightly.

After this last weeks readings and assignments I think that stay at home mothers can still learn and grow intellectually while still helping her own children to learn and grow. A woman who chooses to stay home and raise her family can still keep up with things by listening to news broadcasts and by reading. She can listen to uplifting and inspirational music and seminars. Just because you aren't working or going to school doesn't mean your learning just stops. Every person is in charge of how much they want to expand their knowledge and how they want to maintain it. I also realized that a fathers involvement is critical in the upbringing of a child. Fathers parent differently, play differently, build their child's confidence, communicate differently, discipline differently, and most importantly provide a look at the world of men for both their sons and daughters. The family is a sensitive and delicate system that needs that balance between a mother and a father to help nurture their children.

In families, I think that having a clear communication pattern or understanding is one of the most secure ways of creating a stronger family bond. In our everyday interactions, we communicate in many ways. 14% verbal words, 35% tone of voice, and 51% non verbal communications. We must be aware of not just what we say but how we say it. Communication occurs all the time. It requires an exchange of shared messages, and feed back in order to be certain of exchanged meaning of the conversation. Three types of corrupt communication in the family are blame, sarcasm, and lying. All three forms happen in one way of another and we need to learn how to control them and limit the use of them to better enhance out families communication and limit conflict. But conflict isn't always a bad thing. Conflict creates a better option and forces the issues into the open. It helps the family identify and solve the issues at hand. We need to be "transparent" in our communication in marriage. Meaning that we need to be clear about our desires and intentions through out marriage. We also need to focus on "pain with out blame", in other words, compassion. We shouldn't be looking to blame out spouse but to work things out.

I think that if a family goes through a crisis, they can always learn from it and grow. In class this week we discussed a lot of different crisis's that the family system could potentially go through. For example: death, infidelity, divorce, or illness. Every family structure is different and handles issues in different ways. Some better than other. But one thing I have learned growing up is that you can always take something good out of a situation. My Father has Crohn's Disease along with other health problems, and growing up, having him in and out of hospitals was the normal thing to me. I learned how to deal with sadness and stress from situations when he would get really sick. My role somewhat changed within my family. I had to step up at a young age to help take care of our house and my younger sisters because my mom had to be with my dad and she needed help. But as my family has grown and over the years my fathers illness has essentially brought my family closer together. We spend more time with one another, we talk more about our feelings, and we have all learned how to help and serve more often. In class we were taught a model called the "ABC Model- A+B+C=X" A stands for actual event, B for both resources and responses, and C for cognitions, and A B and C all add up to the total eXperience. When a family goes through an ordeal they follow these steps. The actual event takes place, then they respond to the situation, then they go through a thought process to deal with the situation, and all that leads to their total experience of the ordeal. We can choose to look on the bright side even in the darkest of times.

Our discussions this week have been very influential. We talked about not just the sacredness but the importance of sexual intimacy when married. One of thing I want to stress is that pre-marital sex can have a devastating effect on a marriage. Many people who have had pre-marital sex later on have said they regret it and wish they hadn't. Sexual intimacy isn't just about creating a family and it isn't just an activity to participate in. It gives a couple an opportunity to learn to work together, learn consideration for each other, and to feel loved and supported by their spouse. Infidelity is a huge problem in the world around us. Infidelity isn't just when you have a sexual relation with someone other than your spouse, it's also when you have thoughts and feelings for others, it occurs if you view pornography, when you are dishonest, when you create unrealistic expectations for your spouse, and when you put other things before your marriage and spouse. High fidelity creates a sense of truth, loyalty, purity, and it doesn't leave you feeling vulnerable and desperate for perfection. And when you feel vulnerable and desperate for perfection is when you are most likely to be unfaithful. Marriage is more important than money, items, or your hobbies. And being faithful helps you to protect your marriage and spouse, and not just yourself.

One thing that has really stuck out to me this week is that so many people think that having a child will end their marriage problems, but in reality, it can make them worse. When you have a child life becomes stressful and hard, but you also enjoy your little bundle of joy. But the experience and the changes that occur in your marriage from having a child can decrease your satisfaction of your marriage. On the other hand, the whole process of the pregnancy, delivery and afterwords should bring you together. YOu should openly talk about your feelings and emotions. Mothers, involve your husbands in your pregnancy. Have him come to your appointments, read pregnancy and parenting books together, have him feel the kicks of the baby and make him feel like he is apart of the experience, and not that he is just helping you through it. Fathers, you can be interested, show your wife you want to be there for her, ask questions about her experience, and have a genuine desire to be apart of the experience. You can choose to come together or push apart. You make the decision, and see how it plays out.